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Ah, the joys of that first getting-to-know-you period!

I received an email recently that reminded me of my dating days.

The person was an ENFP (an Extraverted, flexible green), dating an ISTJ (an Introverted, structured gold), and wondering how to make a relationship work between two opposite personality types.

I’m a definite ENFP and my husband is a definite ISTJ.

So far, through definite ups and downs (and many “relationship building” discussions), we’ve been married almost 9 years.

I didn’t know much at all about personality type when we met, and those insights sure would have been helpful!

Here are the tips I gave the person who emailed me, based on personality knowledge and my own experience.

I’ve tried to make these as gender-neutral as possible, but sometimes my own experience reflects my own female ENFP and male ISTJ situation: 1) ISTJs tend to take care of business first, and play later (if they can fit it in). The biggest complement you can pay them is to tell them they are reliable, dependable, capable, and solid.

Show appreciation when s/he does things you enjoy that fall into this category.

When he calls when he says he will, when she takes a chaotic situation and uses cool reason to turn it into an organized pattern, when he shows you that you can count on him no matter what.